{not an android.}

my life flows along the lines of undecided. I'm yes one minute than no the next. my distinct undecidedness causes my brain to become jumbled up in my head to the point that its all just kinda up there.. floating around. So mutilated by my ham of a brain that instead of actual substance my words and feelings look somewhat like this {fdsklfn;wegcrffefhffhsjfhewi} instead of english. i guess it looks more along the lines of some alien excerpt? hmmmm...  But then there are some days, that may be few and far in between, but they do happen to exist, where i know exactly what i want. today was one of those days. I realized i didn't really want what i'd been trying to convince myself i did. and you can't even imagine how it felt when i let my heart win. I think i knew the whole time. that ham of mine just wanted to be like everyone else. take the easy way out and just go with it were the snippets its been feeding me. Your heart can't "just go with it" it'll eat you alive till you're some android walking around face of the planet living a completely illusory life. I don't want to be a robot. i have feelings. feelings that make me who i am. and i am the person i am because, however cheesy it may sound, i listen to my heart! And my heart has been, for quite some time, telling me no, when the rest of humanity was screaming why not, sure, just go for it. It all sounds silly in this format, especially the android bit, but it makes since in my heart. maybe not my head... and definitely not in yours but I decided today something small and insignificant but big enough that my heart had to step in the way.. and I'm glad it did (:

{NOLLE}