title. for lack of a better one.

I'm in grave need to express some feelings. and no, not fillings relevant to any frustration or complication or ordeal in my life. because truth be told i am doing fine. i mean there is that obvious gap in my life that i'd love to have filled by someone witty and charismatic. someone who make me want to pee my pants with laughter every so often. then i remember i have a few of those.. but maybe a couple more wouldn't hurt. then i remind myself, what's a life worth when we spend it wishing for a larger smile and darker eyes. and things that lean towards unrealistic fantasy rather than fiction. 


I'm rambling. something i spend a majority of my life doing. especially to myself. yes. i am nolle and i talk to myself. and however weird it may sound i actually don't mind that i answer nearly all of my rhetorical questions. sometimes thats what keeps me sane. even if you think its off beat of the so called "norm." which leads to this a blunt confession.


i admit i have been feeling diminutive amount of aggravation towards the fact that virtually everybody around me is cloned into the cliche of what seams socially acceptable. translation - the point I'm trying to get to across is this. the lack of. where are all the funny people? the real people? the ones who feel and taste the world? i need more of them in my life. end of story. 


after spending the entire day in my grubbies with my usual "meatball" styled hairdo and no makeup i decided it be a good idea to give my outward appearance a tad more attention. i haven't even painted my nails since summer. (would it be considered petty of me to say that i feel naked without them painted. because i do. going naked isn't a bad thing. just different.) so in my efforts to boost my declining self esteem i bought myself a dress. and maybe when i wear it i'll curl my hair. and wear red lipstick. just to feel like a lady. maybe a bit daintier than necessary but i dare you to try. it might just be worth it.  


i think i've triggered a switch. maybe. if we're lucky.