i'm not broken yet.

Want me to be blunt? say it completely how it is? well hear me out cause here i go.
I'm so sick and tired of feeling like I'm not good enough. of waiting around and getting my hopes up so hight that without warning they all come crashing down on me. heaven forbid i love something or someone with my whole heart. and i've come to the devastating realization that no matter what i do and how hard i try i'll never be enough for you. I'll never be funny enough or skinny enough or pretty enough or smart enough. I'll be little old me. with terribly frizzy hair, a million freckles a million imperfections and flaws that you just can't get past. I'm impatient and frustrating. I need reassurance every single day. I get jealous and upset over silly things. I'm difficult. Plain and simple. I am not easy. I know i've tried your every nerve and made you completely crazy. but i promise if you'd have stuck around i'd have been worth it all. but you walked away so easy. and nothings ever going to change.
i have intense irrational fears. and most of them include the dark, carnivals and things that creep and crawl. however there's one that i keep hidden in that little basket of things that no body in the world knows about me.
lets say that this intense fear has already taken place. in my head, heart, maybe even real life? So Does that make me fearless? because the worst has already happened so what's there to be afraid of now?
its not my fault. I'm not the one who left everything open to fall apart completely. its a shame i loved something so deeply that will never love me back. this heart of mine is learning. but its not broken yet. can't you hear that heavy heart? beating through my chest? with a little bomp. bomp. bomp.