I don't really know what to think. or how to go about deciphering what i feel. life is good. really good. i am happy. really happy. But that is all i know. maybe it'd be best if i go ahead and just leave it all alone. let life play out. thats what it'll do anyway. right? And i wish i was more convincing. to myself. but i can't slow down. i can't lay in my bed at night without my head spinning a million miles an hour. i can't sit through one 70 minute class period without my thoughts turning back to where I'm trying to get them to leave. really they're happy thoughts. lovely thoughts. there's just too too many of them.
gullible. am i too gullible? or maybe not nearly enough? i want to believe what I'm told. and really i have a hard time not believing the sweet things that are said to me. but what if its not all real. what if its just pretend. And if it is, please be more convincing.
Nicholas and i were walking home this afternoon like usual. And i noticed something different in the air. although the sun still felt like summer on my skin the air was cooler than it has been in months. and it tasted different. tasted like its starting change. it won't be long now. and I'm finding myself anticipating autumn more and more each day. my thoughts are drifting towards the turning leaves.
sweaters, wassail, boots, jeans, cuddling, crisp air, and flushed cheeks. i live for autumn.
it makes me want to knit scarves and wear flannel button downs. makes me want to crunch leaves with every step i take on the way to school. leggings and boots. makes me want to take drives up the canyon and find fall leaves. drink cider after playing outside in the crisp autumn air. friends i know its only september fourteenth but really. forget this partial summer sun. I'm ready. anticipating autumn.
yours truly- nolle.
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