why is that i can never be in a public setting without getting violent butterflies, clammy nervous hands, and a unsettled conscious. i get panicked and stressed. and while everyones with their tight-knit group of friends with other friendly acquaintances surrounding them making the elements align and everything feel normal I'm standing on the outskirts fighting an internal war. that'll never be won. and will only be over when I'm curled up with a cup of tea and a old book at home in my lamp lit room listening to some Damien Rice.
the thing is- I'm no a social butterfly. forget the limelight i'd rather participate with the fellows along the wall. plain and simple ---> I'm a wall flower. always have been. always will be. is that alright? is that alright with you?
This weekend Atticus took us up to Salt Lake. yeah "The City." or as city as it gets around these parts. There's something about walking down town with the wind blowing through my hair, passing decorated pretty windows and delightful little shops that makes my soul sing- literally jump out of my chest. i could live there. i could take the city bus. drink tea and meander through little antique shops and hole in the wall locations that only the eager discover and come to love. and of course i'd take pictures of every little thing i see that makes my lips part into one of those things we all affectionately call, a smile.
Other than that, a few well hours were spent with a new friend. its got me thinking that things, are definitely okay. There's this think called waking up. and moving on. despite the unhappy. because the happy's got you searching. wanting more. and knowing that there can be. if you push away some heartache and think of a happy song.
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